Do you cook your own food? My own meals tend to be boring - I optimize for speed and efficiency when cooking for myself, but I become passionate when I do it for a loved one. I’m occasionally creative, but I prefer to base my efforts off a recipe. It can be passed down from my parents, from a cooking blog, or even generated by AI, but I like to have some kind of concrete list of ingredients and steps that guides the process. If I ruin the dish, I can at least compare my actions with the instructions to get a clue of where things might have gone wrong. Recipes, like all abstractions, aim to distill complex processes into manageable steps, but they are never perfect reflections of reality. They are a virtual analogue, an information unit that uses a system of information to represent something about the physical world. By following the recipe’s steps, I can change objective reality to match the intended design. Having a good recipe does not guarantee a good meal. Even if I follow the recipe perfectly, I might still accidentally make inedible slop. There are countless variables that go unaccounted for, such as ambient temperature, humidity, or even my current mood. Even measuring by volume instead of weight, for instance, introduces variability that cleaner systems like weight-based measurements aim to reduce. Approximating reality Like recipes, all systems of information simplify reality, capturing some aspects while inevitably losing others. The ‘cleanliness’ of a system’s information determines how faithfully it reflects the original. The more ways that something can be interpreted, the less reliable the information becomes. In other words, the recipe becomes an abstraction of experience, and the original act of cooking is reduced down to words on a page. The abstraction is composed of information units, such as the ingredients, the steps, temperature and time. If the recipe’s information is clean enough, it will result in only one very specific flavor experience: the meal intended by the original chef. Most of the time, however, it’s an approximation of an experience, and the actual outcome varies significantly from the original vision. This degree of deviance between abstract information and objective reality is the focus of the ‘cleanliness’ metric in blob theory. Although clean information is my preferred personal terminology, I’m not the only one to investigate it. Scientists and logicians throughout history have been concerned with connecting abstract information to the physical world, and the methods of precision have evolved over the ages. Yet, as we’ll see, this pursuit of cleaner information systems reveals a surprising paradox: the very tools we use to define clarity are themselves imperfect. Chasing precision Recipes aren't very scientific. They use some standards of measurement, like cups or grams, but they are ultimately written in simple English. English itself is a system of information units: it is composed of patterns of sound that mirror the objects and phenomena of objective reality. As systems of information go, it's a relatively informal system. It’s not consistent or permanent enough to produce high purity information: words change meaning over time, and can have different meanings depending on context. For example, consider how “gay” as happiness and “mad” as insane have fallen out of fashion. This inconsistency over time limits English’s ability to function as a clean system. Words can also have their meaning change depending on the context, like how ‘mad’ can mean insane, but it more likely means angry and on occasion means smitten. This inconsistency does not disqualify language from being useful - language is obviously the dominant strategy of information transfer we have. That being said, English is not optimizing for precision because words are naturally ambiguous. The inconsistencies in natural language, such as evolving meanings and contextual ambiguity, highlight the need for systems like ‘syllogisms’ that aim to reduce such ambiguity and bring consistency to reasoning. This tool can be traced back to Aristotle, whose formal logical systems are still present in our modern day technology. In order to clean up the system of plain language, his ‘syllogisms’ make statements with high standards for truth and cleanliness. The syllogistic format is pretty straightforward: it proposes premises then draws conclusions based on the laws of logic. You can think of it as an if/then statement. As an example, consider the following statement: If I have a brother and his mother is alive, then my mother is alive. The premise does not explicitly state that I have a mother or that she is alive, but it provides enough information to easily come to the logical conclusion. This ability to draw conclusions relies on clean information that satisfies Aristotle’s three laws. This means the concepts of ‘mother’, ‘brother’, and ‘alive’ all being well defined, consistent, unambiguous and non-contradictory. By avoiding most of the ambiguity found in language, it revolutionized how information could be treated to be more reliable and consistent. Aristotle's syllogisms were a groundbreaking tool for cleaning information, and their influence persists in everything from formal education to computer algorithms. The path to clean information didn’t stop there. The evolution of cleanliness took a fundamental leap with Boolean logic, which fused logical principles with symbols and equations. Instead of expressing a statement with the natural language of syllogisms, you can use mathematical signs to manipulate information with greater rigor and precision. This can mean using operators, like ‘>’ meaning ‘greater than’, or ‘+’ meaning ‘and’. This symbolism gave rise to statements such as the following symbolic representation of the first law (the law of identity) =
A=A Units have consistent identities that do not change over time This equation effectively says something is equal to itself, using the symbology used in formal academia. This example is one of many forms that the symbols took, and they continually evolved across separate disciplines and across history from Boole to Gödel to Turing. The trend of cleaner and cleaner information units has continued through the modern age: the codes that power the content of your digital screen are built from binary bits of logic that have passed through the evolutionary pipeline of information purification. Yet, in this process, it was proven that perfectly clean information units can’t be achieved. Gödel demonstrated that no system of logic can be both complete and consistent. Even the cleanest systems contain truths they cannot prove, revealing the limits of absolute precision. Perfectly CleanJust as recipes aim to standardize cooking, syllogisms and Boolean logic aim to standardize reasoning. But like recipes, they simplify reality and can never fully eliminate ambiguity. Despite being relatively cleaner than English, they still all sit on the same spectrum that describes different degrees of cleanliness. There is no binary distinction between ‘clean’ systems and ‘dirty’ ones. All systems require some blurring or editing to translate objective reality into information units. As an example, imagine building a perfect map of a territory, a map so detailed it includes every blade of grass. At some point, the map becomes indistinguishable from the territory it represents, defeating its purpose as an abstraction.The closer you get to including perfect detail, the less practical the map becomes. Similarly, logic seeks perfect cleanliness but collapses under its own weight when pressed to its limits. If information can’t be described in binary terms, then it means that information is in some sense illogical, meaning that it doesn’t satisfy Aristotle’s 3 laws (despite being built upon them). After all, logic fundamentally relies on binary validation. If cleanliness itself is a gradient, then it fails the expectation of classical logic’s rigid requirements. This contradiction suggests that even the foundation of logic itself rests on imperfect ground—a flaw baked into the very tools we use to understand the world. This paradox is more than an intellectual curiosity—it challenges the foundations of how we process, categorize, and act on the information that shapes our lives. Despite being the foundation of the modern Western world, logic is a system that somehow doesn’t abide by its own rules. The concept of units themselves, or categories themselves, is contradictory. How does this make sense? Rejecting Logic This episode, I’ve explored how we use clean information units to reflect and capture objective reality, whether through recipes, language, or formal logic. I’ve also shown that, despite forming the guidelines for logical thought, the idea of ‘cleanliness’ itself can’t exist as a binary category. This contradiction aligns with insights from Eastern philosophies like Taoism and Zen Buddhism, which reject binary thinking as part of their core beliefs. This rejection of binary thought and categorical thinking can feel deeply unintuitive to the Western mind. After all, our default intuitive model is built on clean information units. Still, in the next episode, I’ll introduce my own model of inverted logic: a conceptual system that uses gradients of concentration and solidity to describe reality without relying on classical logic. This approach has guided my decisions, and I hope to make its value accessible to you. An analysis of the building blocks that power our intuition. Picture standing in the middle of a bustling marketplace—a swirl of colors, voices, and movement clamoring for your attention. This is life: a constant flood of sights, sounds, and sensations. Our brains collect this stimulus in the form of electrical impulses and organize it in a way that gives us a sense of the world. We categorize experiences based on how they match with the past: consistent patterns are recognized as ‘things’ and are turned into meaning. As a result, the experience of life is not just a blurred blend of sights and sounds but rather perceived as a world of concrete physical objects set in a shared space. This process is part of default intuition: there is no intentional thought required when generating these basic assumptions about objective reality. I don’t need to figure out every day what food or danger is—my organism has evolved over millions of years to effortlessly recognize the important stimulus and respond to it automatically. Our bodies have survival instincts engraved in our DNA, and our brains continue to shape our understanding of the world as we learn from new experiences. To understand and dissect this process, we can use models to categorize and organize the factors that constitute different parts of the world. Different models focus on different parts of reality: scientific models like Newtonian Mechanics are used to simplify and predict physical bodies in motion, or social models like Game Theory are used to understand negotiation, cooperation, and economics. In Blob Theory, I use the term ‘default intuitive model’ to describe the sorting algorithm that our brain uses to process and understand reality itself. For example, when you see a chair, you don’t need to analyze its parts to recognize it as a chair—your mind automatically identifies its shape, purpose, and context based on prior experience. This mental shortcut allows you to navigate the world efficiently without constant re-evaluation. It generates the sensation of objective reality by assessing the consistency of patterns, and it does so by using building blocks that I call ‘information units’. Information Units An information unit is a mental building block used to perceive, categorize, or reason about the world. It is a distinct and stable conceptual "chunk" that can be used to predict or calculate reality. Their role is to be a reliable, condensed summary of the external world in order to consciously calculate or predict complex truths. The units themselves, once established, go unquestioned: they are effectively the bedrock upon which further conclusions are made. As a simple example, consider a “chair” as a unit of information. It exists as a concrete concept in the mind, even if different chairs look different. A more abstract example could be “1” in binary code, where “1” and “0” are corresponding to the concepts of presence and absence. As a more complex example, consider gravity. It’s the word we have for describing the phenomenon of how things are pulled downwards. As a rule of thumb, the fact that ‘things are pulled downwards’ is extremely consistent and broadly applicable. In an industrial context, this simple truth can be used to sort objects with different properties, relying on the heavier bits to separate from the lighter ones. It can be seen in mining, where heavy metals like gold can be separated from lighter silt, or in agriculture, where grains can be sorted depending on how dense they are relative to the less valuable parts of the plant. It doesn’t matter where you are in the world, the law of gravity will behave the same regardless of your specific conditions. Gravity is a general example because it is very consistent, representing a physical phenomenon with observable effects. In contrast, information units are an abstract concept — they have no physical form but instead measure attributes like permanence, reliability, and truthfulness within mental or conceptual models. Clean Units In Blob Theory, information units have degrees of cleanliness, which is a measurement of how stable and precise the unit behaves. The default intuitive model relies on using units that are as clean as possible, as to provide conscious thought with a simplified foundation. The measurement of a unit’s cleanliness uses a system that has its origins in Aristotle’s rules for logic and dates back nearly 2500 years. His 'laws of thought' established fundamental principles for reasoning, which directly align with the criteria for clean information units. By defining rules for consistent identity, non-contradiction, and binary existence, Aristotle’s framework mirrors the qualities that make an information unit 'clean' in Blob Theory. These ancient philosophical principles continue to underpin modern science, mathematics, and computational theory. The laws look something like this:
The original purpose of these laws is to measure the degree of something’s logic or reason, but in the context of the default intuitive model, I use the laws to refer to the ‘cleanliness’ of a unit of information. A clean unit is one that follows these laws and can be relied upon for further calculation. It is permanent, consistent, regular, and solid. By comparison, a dirty unit either has an inconsistent identity, it contradicts itself, or it only partially exists. This isn’t to say that a clean unit is objectively superior to a dirty one! Clean units have their flaws; nevertheless, they are the basis of the default intuitive model’s operating system. The limits of cleanliness When comparing physics with game theory, it’s clear that physics has higher standards of cleanliness. Clean information is associated with having binary thinking and very strict laws, and it assumes that problems have only one correct solution. Binary thinking involves viewing things in absolute terms (such as true or false, present or absent) with no gray area in between. In the real world, when talking about social models like game theory or economics, there is an implicit messiness or inconsistency in human behavior that muddies the waters. The hard sciences are cleaner but still imperfect. If you consider the earlier example of gravity, at first glance it seems to fit the criteria. It has a consistent identity that doesn’t change over time: it accelerates objects at a rate of 9.8 m/s². It doesn’t contradict itself: solid objects move down, not up. It clearly exists: there is no place on earth where gravity fails to pull. That being said, Newtonian gravity is just an approximation of reality. Perfectly clean units don’t truly reflect how the world works. Newton’s description of clean gravity was upset by Einstein’s magnum opus: his general theory of relativity. His model updated our understanding by pointing out the inaccuracy of calling gravity a force and instead showed it as a condition of spacetime. From this perspective, gravity shouldn’t be seen as having binary existence, but rather as a continuous gradient of varying degrees of spacetime’s curvature. This violates the third law of thought, because under a relativistic model, gravity operates as a ‘middle option’ between concrete existence and nonexistence. Our modern understanding of gravity isn’t classically “clean”, but it is undeniably a true depiction of the way things work. This illustrates a key flaw in our default intuitive model, a concept that relies on dividing reality into clear, binary states. We intuit things to either exist or to not exist, it’s necessary for our most basic conceptualizations of the world. Objective reality is rooted in these terms, and our default assumptions are built on this foundational bedrock. Still, there are a plethora of examples of modern science where this simply doesn’t hold. We exist in a relativistic world, where light and gravity are now known to not exist in absolute terms. It extends far beyond just gravity: at every level of reality—physical, conceptual, and mathematical—our pursuit of clean, stable information units has run into unavoidable limits. These facts prompt the need to amend the default intuitive model and to propose an alternative to how we perceive objective reality. To do so requires a deeper understanding of how units of information operate, in order to build and describe an alternate model of the way things work. Next time, we’ll trace the centuries-long pursuit of clean information, starting with Greek syllogisms and the symbolic logic that followed. But this story is not just about refinement, it's about the limits of refinement itself. The clean, bounded units of classical logic have driven science and computation, but they have also boxed us into a worldview of fixed categories. By revisiting the origins of symbolic reasoning, we’ll lay the groundwork for an alternative approach, one that embraces categorylessness, boundarylessness, and the fluid nature of reality, echoing ideas found in Taoism, Zen Buddhism, and the philosophies of the East. If classical logic gave us order, what lies beyond it? “Do you think that’s air you’re breathing?” Morpheus asked this in The Matrix to challenge Neo’s assumptions about reality. But if you stopped to ask yourself the same question, how sure would you be about the answer? You probably believe in objective reality. This reality feels like it exists independently of us, composed of the space and objects in our environment. The objects in objective reality all follow consistent rules, and everybody in objective reality partakes in the same universal stage. This all seems obvious and intuitive, but history shows us that our understanding of reality changes over time as science evolves through the ages. For example, is sickness the result of God's wrath, an imbalance of the body’s humors, or the workings of hormones and cells? Does the universe revolve around the earth, or do the planets orbit around the sun? Different periods have had their own ways of depicting objective reality, and although the modern age has an evolved understanding, I’m comfortable assuming that we are mistaken about reality in a similar way that past ages were also mistaken. Even within our own era, objective reality looks different depending on which discipline you consult. For example, physics describes objective reality as mechanical motion, measuring the world’s objects and manipulating them in its system of mass and energy. On the other hand, the discipline of history describes objective reality as a story, with points of consensus appearing across connected documents, telling the tale of reality as a reconstruction of evidence left by human behavior. Neither one presents a whole picture of what objective reality truly is, but they each provide their own angle of illumination on the way things work. The Default Intuitive Model I have my own model for objective reality, my own angle of illumination that I use to depict what’s there. The discipline of Blob Theory describes objective reality based on the default intuitive model. The model shares a common goal with disciplines like history or physics: it describes the world in a way that seeks to be consistent and non-contradictory. Objective reality, as told by the default intuitive model, is the gateway to understanding Blob Theory. The model is similar to phenomenology or solipsism, and uses subjective experience as the basis for understanding the world at large. I explained the model in greater detail last episode, but as a quick recap: the model outlines the underlying cognitive processing system that we all share. The model assumes that we exist as divided selves, meaning that we have internal divisions with distinct motivations that can cooperate or compete with each other — like the automatic, reactive part of ourselves and the reflective, deliberate part. In the model, the intuitive, automatic part of you is responsible for supplying information to the conscious part of you. The conscious self, in part, makes decisions based on the foundational data provided to it. Illustration: Three major components to the default intuitive model In other words, the model is effectively a sorting algorithm, and it provides a quick layer of processing to the incoming data being absorbed by the senses. Our default intuition presents the information to consciousness in a way that is reliable and digestible, providing basic assumptions about the world. The conscious part of ourselves, in turn, can draw more complex conclusions by using the intuitive information as its foundation. The most basic assumption drawn by the default intuitive model is that we live in a material world, in a shared space filled with physical objects. This assumption is done in order to simplify the broad spectrum of chaotic sights and sounds into concrete units that are easy to understand. Physical Objects"Our whole knowledge of the world is, in one sense, self-knowledge. For knowing is a translation of external events into bodily processes, and especially into states of the nervous system and the brain: we know the world in terms of the body, and in accordance with its structure.” — Alan Watts Our intuitive model for reality transforms raw sensory data into familiar objects. No two people experience the world in exactly the same way, but our default model assumes that a single shared, material world exists independently of us. To manage this complexity, the model recognizes patterns in sensory input and identifies "objects" as consistent groupings of sights, sounds, and other sensations. Take, for example, an apple. When our senses detect a pattern close enough to past "apple" experiences, the mind codes it as an "apple" with minimal effort. This isn’t limited to vision. The smell, taste, and feel of an apple reinforce the pattern, allowing us to quickly sort it into a stable mental category. The idea of "appleness" emerges from our familiarity with the pattern, and our mind does not need to deduce it from scratch each time. This process reveals the core aim of the default intuitive model: to convert raw sensation into stable 'information units' that are clear, consistent, and easy for consciousness to process. It’s a system designed to prioritize simplicity and stability. ‘This is not an apple’ by Magritte: a visual representation of an apple, but not exactly the apple itself.
Next Week: Information Units Next week, we'll trace how this same system shapes more than just our sensory world. It shapes how we think, how we measure, and even how we define knowledge itself. We'll explore the 'clean information units' at the heart of Western science — and the limits they impose on how we see reality. Have you ever wondered why some decisions feel automatic, while others take more effort? It all comes down to what I call the ‘default intuitive model.’ This is the mental software running in the background, making sense of our experiences and guiding our reactions before conscious thought kicks in. Today, I’ll explore how this model works, its strengths and flaws, and what happens when we examine it more deeply. As I mentioned previously when talking about the divided self, there are different levels to consciousness: some parts are instinctual and automatic, while others are calculating and controlled. The default intuitive model operates on a level that’s faster and more fundamental than the willful, conscious observer. The model supplies the base assumptions about the world, and any conscious thought is built using the model’s innate viewpoint. The way we make our decisions and the way we learn from the world comes from finding patterns in the information that our sense organs receive. The information runs through the model’s program, and the automatic reaction of our bodies is the result. For example, I can tell when food will be delicious, even if it's a meal I’ve never had, due to the brain’s ability to predict and recognize objects and sensations in my past. I’ve had enough good meals where I can associate the sights and smells of food with their flavor. I don’t need to calculate the pros and cons of a meal in order to like it, my default intuition does a fine job of making the experience obvious, even before conscious reason has a chance to analyze it. Recognition of repeated patterns is the root of this process. The more consistently an experience can be predicted, the more it cements itself within the model’s categorization system. Once a group of experiences links strongly enough with a certain outcome, it can be treated as a predictable “thing” instead of just as chance or chaos. For example, most of the time eating random objects is unpleasant or dangerous. Of all the world’s detritus, only the objects coded as “food” are fit for consumption. You can see this at play in babies: they don’t have the consistency of experience necessary to make this distinction, so they will happily stuff their mouths with anything in arms reach. Unambiguous Truth The model’s role is to generate basic assumptions and to let the conscious observer come to conclusions based on the information it provides. When providing the foundation for higher cognitive processes, the default intuitive model strives to build its framework using unambiguous truths. If the model’s initial assumptions are muddy or unclear, then even the most clever insights or reasoning that arise from them will have fundamental flaws or doubts at its core. Therefore, the model’s value system prioritizes objects and concepts that can be conceptualized cleanly, with as little messiness as possible. In other words, the default intuitive model likes its information to be tidy. It prefers clarity, cleanliness, and consistency. It is an information processing algorithm that feeds our higher processes its interpretation of reality, and it does so by calculating in terms of black and white, or good and evil. The model has an aversion to things with blurry boundaries or things that change over time, and would rather deal with binary calculations and see things in terms of ‘yes’ and ‘no’. For another perspective on tidy or clean information, consider Aristotle’s first principles, which preach a particular brand of permanence and consistency. These principles are designed to measure truth and falsehood, with a mission to build a system from unambiguously “true” statements. To that end, the principles seek to measure something’s permanence and consistency for the sake of finding binary units of trustworthy information. These units of information ideally follow three laws:
Despite the goal of finding perfect, unambiguous truth, the real world doesn’t work that way. Perfect information is a very abstract concept, and the real world is filled with nuance and complexity. Our default intuition unconsciously strives for information that will satisfy these laws, but the model is not without flaws. Blob Theory starts where the default intuitive model leaves off. By challenging its preference for polarized, binary truth, Blob Theory offers a new lens to examine the complexities of reality. The conclusions drawn by our default intuition are useful shortcuts, but they aren’t the truest or most accurate way to see the world. Next week I’d like to go more in depth on how the default intuitive model sorts the raw chaos of reality into names, units and categories, and how dangerous it can be to trust this simplified representation of reality. In this section and the sections to come I expect that many ideas might seem unintuitive or poorly explained, so let me know in the comments (or by direct message) if you notice parts that could do with better examples or clearer explanation. This episode is focused on the terminology I use in my theories. For broader context, see my website, or follow the specific links embedded in the article. I’m moving Blob Theory (my personal system and philosophy) to Substack! My current focus is on contradictions in consciousness, which I’ve found very impactful on my relationships as well as my creative projects like 'Fall Creek.' I’m doing my best to share the theory itself as clearly as I can, but I depend heavily on feedback so please share any and all reactions you might have to this work.
When I talk about Blob Theory, I often make reference to an internal conscious observer, a force within you that is tasked with judging or assessing the moments of your life. The observer watches to see the quality of your environment and your actions, and it provides conscious guidance to mold your physical behavior. You can think of it as a system connected to your willpower: it might observe and learn that exercise is good for you, and it might compel you to do it more. Obviously, it’s not guaranteed to get its way, but it very much feels like “you” in the sense that it is linked to your identity. A disconnection between the observer’s ideal world and the actions of your body likely feels like a failure of willpower. There are moments that can exist free from this observer, such as in moments of flow or in meditation, but most of the time the observer is present. Even if it briefly disappears in moments of full engagement like a good meal or your favorite activity, it returns the moment you make plans, reflect on the past, or wish that things were better than they are. The observer is a creature of comparison, something that creates virtual scenarios and compares the present moment to some idealized state. It makes its judgments and justifications to compel the body to its will, generally using the tools of reason and logic. These tools have been acknowledged and debated for thousands of years, forming the worldview that you and I share with the modern world. My favorite documentation of logic and reason comes in the form of the laws of thought, a set of logical axioms in Aristotle's “metaphysics”. The laws themselves have been touched on and reinterpreted by every generation of great thinkers in western academia since its inception. The system that arises from these laws is currently the foundation for computing and modern science, and is instrumental for categorizing, quantifying, and processing information. The laws also imply a world with very specific metaphysical characteristics, such as the feeling that we live in a world made of physical objects that consist of substances with varying properties. It might seem absurd to question this obvious intuitive fact, but eastern worldviews such as Taoism explicitly reject this category-based conceptualization of reality. It seems intuitive to us due to the laws of thought composing the DNA of our culture, and because our most basic cognitive systems are quick to make assumptions that align with this model due to the ease of processing quantifiable, unambiguous information. Still, it's important to note that it is not an objectively true, all-encompassing model. The issue with the model is that it bases itself on an unequivocal condemnation of contradiction. It’s a powerful model and a useful tool, but it itself is ill-suited to describe consciousness, which is filled with contradiction. Despite feeling like I have a consistent identity, there is undeniable evidence that the mind exists as a divided self. Whether it be Freud’s model of ‘conscious vs unconscious’ or Kahneman’s description of ‘system 1 and system 2’, there is a clear division of contradictory motivations or desires within each of us. There is a part inside us that wants good things now, and there is another part that wants better things later. These contradictions might seem innocuous, but they serve as clear examples of where the default intuitive model’s logic can’t be applied. I prefer to talk about this division of selves by referencing the internal conscious observer and relating it with the self in the moment that acts independently of free will. I prefer this specific terminology because I use it within a system that runs contrary to the laws of thought and contrary to the default intuitive model. Blob Theory is, after all, a system that is meant to understand contradiction and paradox more deeply. But Ruben, who cares about these contradictions in consciousness! Is there any use in poking and prodding the paradoxes of our foundational systems? The next issue will explore the weak points of the default intuitive model more deeply, especially the idea of an “indivisible unit”, as implied from the laws of thought. In the issue, I’ll apply the laws and extrapolate three implied truths about the world: objects don’t decay, they have clean edges and boundaries, and they interact with each other in predictable ways. These implied truths aren’t actually true, but they shape the way our intuition works and control our automatic reactions to things. Introduction: Contradictory Selves
Last week I brought up the idea that to be human is to contain multitudes, and I suggested that the concept of “contradiction” is an intrinsic part of experiencing life. In the Blob Theory framework, I operate under the assumption that each of us has a divided self, and that these divisions are clusters of opposing forces that exist at odds with each other. This might go contrary to your intuition that life or consciousness works as a unified whole, but let me explain my reasoning about making the distinction between the unified self and the divided self. Aliveness itself feels a lot like one consistent experience. In addition to feeling alive right now, I also feel like I existed yesterday, last month, and last year. I feel like I am fundamentally the same “me” as I was when I was born, and that this same “me” will die at the end of my life. There is one consistent thread of life that I am experiencing, and I only get to directly experience my own life. I can’t see inside the heads of anyone else but myself: other people are other people, and there is a clear boundary on the edge of my consciousness where my experience ends. These are all facts that work seamlessly with the normal western default intuitive model of reality. It resonates with Aristotle’s Laws of Thought and it comes with associations of permanence and identity. In the default intuitive model, reality exists by virtue of its consistency, and contradictions are signs of falsehood or lack of reason. That being said, it takes only a few moments of self-inspection to see how there are conflicting motivations or desires that exist within you. These conflicts can be described as internal divisions, where some sections oppose their counterparts. There might be a part within you that desires to go to sleep at a certain hour, and another part that actually executes the sleeping process, independent of any conscious decision. Which part represents the “true you”? Are you the planner of things or are you the doer of things? You might identify more strongly with the planner, the visualizer, the one responsible for your future self. This would mean you spend your time and your effort primarily on tomorrow’s happiness. Or perhaps you identify more closely with the doer, the “you” who lives in the moment and who executes all your actions. Maybe you see yourself as some complex blend of the two, something simply inarticulable, an entity without categories. Regardless of the style of division, you exist as a being with contradiction in your motives or desires. Historical Example - Freud There are many popular models of dividing the self. One historically influential system is Freud’s proposition of using the Id, the Ego, and the Superego as a categorization system to describe three different patterns of thought and behavior. Ego is the only of those words still commonly used today, meaning something like the “selfish self”, but the original model described a system with three competing actors. The three components work together in a framework that sees the self as a mixture of conscious and unconscious thought, and that conscious thought and willpower is just a small portion of the overall mind. Therefore, in the model, unconscious motives exist within us, often contrary to our deliberate intentions, and often exist as invisible to our internal conscious observer. In this strategy of dividing the self, the model gives identities to the three entities that fight in the battlefield of conscious and unconscious thought. The Id is the instinctual, automatic, animal drive that fights for survival and longs for pleasure. The Ego is the rational, conscious mediator that feels like it’s in the driver’s seat. It functions differently than the popular understanding of the word, but both versions of the word are closely associated with personal identity. Finally, the Superego is the value system and moral instinct that guides you. Each of these three divisions has its own motives and goals, and the efforts of each one often conflict with each other. Without all the lingo, it can be described as the animal within you being in conflict with the divine within you, and it’s up to the rational mediator to navigate this balance. The themes of these ideas can be traced back to Plato, but I’d like to highlight Freud’s model as the prime example of a formal, rigorous division of the self. Modern Example - Brain Structure The divided self can also be described in material terms, by correlating patterns of behavior with different sections of the brain. Our contradictions can be traced back in our evolutionary lineage, as evidenced by the degree of shared brain structure with other kinds of life. The evolutionary starting point of our brain is the part we share with all other vertebrates, formed hundreds of millions of years ago. These early structures are the so-called “lizard brain” that was good enough to keep our ancestors alive and reproducing for so many generations. This part of the brain is associated with things that are extremely automatic, things that require no conscious control. Your heart will keep beating even if you try using all your willpower to stop it. Breathing is generally done automatically, but you can temporarily breathe consciously if you focus hard enough. As we evolved, layers expanded outwards and our shapes grew distinct from our cold blooded brethren. The newer brain bits, the parts that we share with mammals, are more closely connected to emotional processing, social bonding, and predicting rewards. This so-called “limbic system” is still hundreds of millions of years old, and it's mostly coded as unconscious thought, and seemingly akin to the animal instinct we share with similar life forms. If you compared the brain structures to Freud’s model, you could say that these ancient brains are more closely related to the “id”. Only the newest bits are unique to primates, and the newest newest bits specific to humans. The prefrontal cortex (PFC), which is the outermost surface that developed a quarter-million years ago, is the part responsible for thinking, planning, and personality. If I were forced to describe the part of the brain that I most closely identify with, it would have to be with the PFC. It’s closely correlated with all of the qualities that I (and most other people) associate with selfhood and identity. I don’t identify very much with the way I breathe, or the way my body automatically moves, but instead I identify with my thoughts, my plans, my intentions, my feelings. These ego-related qualities can be consistently correlated with the role of the PFC. The PFC, the freshly-grown outermost layer of the brain, has its neurons so closely coiled and folded that they process incredible amounts of information, with the PFC representing an intensely interconnected network of pathways and channels that can relay electric current throughout the brain. Still, the PFC does not exactly have control over the brain. It’s not the body’s sole authority. Each of the brain’s divisions plays its role, and the motives of logic and reason are ineffectual to the raw truths of hunger and pain. The behaviorally divided self can be delineated according to these physical brain structures, with behavioral issues labeled according to their appropriate brain structure. Conflict and contradiction can be described by terms such as “impulse control” (PFC) or “emotional urges” (the limbic system) and can be explained and justified by the role that the brain structures evolutionarily took. The divided self within Blob Theory Blob theory challenges the notion of fixed categories and boundaries, so I use the divided self as an accessible way to observe contradictions first-hand. Despite the default assumption that you are a consistent, coherent individual, life is filled with constant tiny conflicts of interest. The conflict is clear when you turn down a tasty treat in the name of health, or when you can’t help but find a married friend attractive. We all have inner voices that advocate for the present moment as well as for future consequences, and the two voices are constantly at odds. The modern western worldview has “right and wrong” or “true and false” baked into its conceptual DNA. Attempts to justify or explain the apparent contradiction within us results in rules and divisions, organized laws that describe the nature of the conflict. Western models and standards invariably favor clear, absolute units of measurement. Next week I will introduce their counterpart, a Blob unit of measurement that describes contradictory information more accurately than the default model. Next week I’ll also be switching to Substack! Hopefully you’ve been enjoying and understanding this series of writing. I will start the Substack emails with a recap of these first five writings, and a summary of the key terms I expect to use to describe the workings of Blob Theory. With the introduction of Blob units, the theory will become more concrete and hopefully my arguments will become clear. What other arguments have you heard for a divided self? Have you noticed your own internal divisions? Please let me know in the comments or by direct message! Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes.) -Walt Whitman, “Song of Myself” In 9th grade, my friends and I loved playing video games after school. Our acid-loving hippie art teacher didn’t mind us taking over the “Mac Lab” computers and playing Warcraft 3 directly from our USB drives. I sunk as many hours into these game sessions as I could, happy to find an arena that I excelled in. Computers were limited, and the losers were kicked off so I could keep my spot as long as I played well. My last class was right by the Mac Lab so I always rushed to snag one of the first spots and then hold on as many rounds as I could. The crowd usually thinned out once the buses left, but some of my friends would stay glued to the screens and “study late at school” as an excuse to take the late bus home instead. Instead of the bus, my parents would pick me up so I had to keep a watchful eye on the clock and scurry over to the car when my time was up. It was impossible to tear myself from a really good match, so I’d often be a few minutes late as I wrapped up one last game before going home. They didn’t know my increasing tardiness was due to a gaming addiction, they imagined I was just doing normal wholesome afterschool activities with my nerdy buddies. Eventually, the inevitable occurred. I lost myself too deeply in the game, I disconnected from my sense of time, and my conscious observer neglected to remind me to go home. The late bus kids started packing up and I was slowly filled by a pit of dread as I realized what had happened. I wasn’t just late, I was giga-late. I sprinted over to the pickup zone, and my mom was parked, fuming. “Where the hell were you?” “Sorry, I lost track of time.” “Lost track of time doing what?” I panicked. I didn’t want to ruin my image of being the perfect son. I went with the excuse my late bus friends always stuck with. “I was in the library, studying.” “Oh, the library, you say?” She said no, I was not in the library because she was just in the library, she could see with her eyes that I was not there, and that the librarian said I had not been by. I was cooked. Nausea flooded my chest - what could I say to that? I was caught in a contradiction, a falsehood. I wanted her to know that I didn’t mean to lie, that I didn’t mean to be late, that I accidentally ceased to exist for a bit too long and it wasn’t really my fault. Despite this whirlwind of thoughts, shame silenced me as she lectured about honesty and trust. My anguish was automatic, instinctual. I didn’t need to understand Aristotle’s models of contradiction and logic to feel this pain. My intuitive response to lying and falsehood has been forming itself automatically since birth, with the sum of my experiences and observations all reinforcing the wrongness associated with deception or contradiction. The incident had eroded away at my integrity, and my mother was there to bear witness. I felt the shame of lying, but I simultaneously felt the insistent sensation that it was somehow not my fault. I only accidentally claimed to be in the library, it didn’t feel like something that intentionally came out of my mouth. I shouldn’t have to bear the blame for whatever strange impulse overcame me in the moments of awkward confrontation. I said nothing about it because it’s a nonsensical sensation: I obviously should be accountable for my lie, but the feeling of faultlessness seemed so clear and true. My actions in the moment simply didn’t feel like it was done by my deep-down true self. In time, I began to see moments like these as clues to a deeper truth. These experiences with contradiction planted the seeds for what would become Blob Theory, my attempt to find coherence in the paradoxes of human behavior. The automatic reaction of my body did not feel like the same person as the conscious, willful thinker. It seemed like there were parts of me that were at odds with each other, an incongruent disjointed jumble of selves that only pretended to exist as one cohesive singular entity. This disquieting thought stuck with me, black ink that slowly seeped into the folds of my brain, a fundamental acknowledgement of some basic flaw in perception itself. The more I tried to resolve it, the more the ink spread and smudged the structures of my worldview. I had a growing uncomfortable awareness that maybe a deep-down true self doesn’t even exist, that maybe a cohesive singular entity is impossible, that maybe contradiction is the default state of the universe and that Aristotle’s laws of thought are bullshit. It would be over a decade before I found a way to put these insights into writing, and several years more before I could describe a model that captured inconsistencies in my own default intuitive model of reality. Next week, I will explain what I mean by a ‘cohesive singular entity’ and ‘default intuitive model’, and why these concepts challenge our belief in consistency as the cornerstone of reality. The terms themselves work by trusting consistent units with stable identities in the style of Aristotle’s laws of thought, but they themselves are deeply contradictory and don’t operate according to their very own values. When do you notice me contradicting myself? Take this opportunity to call me out on my inconsistencies! Send me a message with your criticisms and observations, I can take it. Last week I talked about flow and wu wei, two ways of describing a state where the conscious observer ceases to exist. Each of these two descriptions has an accompanying framework or value system that connects the ideas to a greater body of work. I’m especially fascinated by the Taoist worldview that supports wu wei because it’s a value system that operates in a way that challenges mainstream western intuition. It espouses many truths that seem contradictory or incompatible with the way that we normally process information in modern society. In Blob Theory, I tie this default model to the Laws of Thought, which are some very old ideas that originated in Greece and have evolved over the past few thousands of years. These laws describe, in as precise a way as possible, the ways that logic or reason can shape and reflect our culture.
The model that follows these laws is connected with many of the core values in western culture and in science, but it doesn't reflect intuition on a universal scale. Other value systems such as Taoism use completely different rules, but I call the model built on the Laws of Thought an 'intuitive' system because it echoes a lot of the ways that things naturally seem to work. I have a unique feeling of what “normal” means to me, a Ruben-specific understanding of what makes sense in my world. This sense of normal results from a combination of shared knowledge, of scientific facts built up over many generations, as well as an implicit indescribable reaction to the environment that can’t be captured with language. These two parts complement each other to form a holistic picture of the way the world is. The shared knowledge can be explicitly represented in the laws of physics or mathematics, or in language by legal codes and government structure. The implicit reaction is just what being alive feels like, what the senses generate through consciousness. My personal feeling of normal is probably very close to your feeling of normal, but it’s not exactly the same. No two people have a perfectly shared version of reality, but we can get a pretty good guess of what objective reality might be like by seeing where the sum of individual points of perspective coincide. The people around me share my sense of normality to a high degree, but this alignment fades the further I look in both time and space. The western world 500 years ago saw things differently than we do today, and other parts of the earth have different stories of reality that tend to differ by geographic location. I can confidently describe our environment as a bacteria-filled world that orbits around the sun, but this only makes sense to my english-speaking peers in the modern age. Other ages or other parts of the world can easily reject this view as incompatible or insignificant when compared to their own explicit sense of normality, even though these hypothetical humans presumably share a very similar implicit indescribable reaction to reality. They would see similarly, hear similarly, think similarly, but have a different story or narrative for the way things work. In the West, our explicit acknowledgement is built on cumulative models that compound on each other. Our models start with foundational truths, which are then polished and refined through generations of observation and experimentation. For example, hundreds of years ago, the world was explained through the lens of alchemy and humors, theories of reality that are invalidated by current standards. Modern models like nuclear physics or endocrinology have proved themselves to be more consistent and applicable in more contexts, and they have successfully replaced the old ideas because they properly follow the expectations of the western value system. These expectations mean that all ideas compete with each other, and the ideas that emerge victorious in the West do so because they comply with the system of first principles that sits at the foot of scientific progress. These first principles, called the Laws of Thought, were originally documented around 2500 years ago, making it a framework roughly as old as Taoism. These laws, originally proposed by Aristotle, describe a framework for making sense of the world at the most basic level. In essence, they establish a preference for statements and information that is concrete, consistent, and non-contradictory. If information is to be treated as logical or reasonable, it must comply with the conditions stated by the laws of thought. The laws are considered self-evident truths, and can be represented as follows:
They provide the structure for the study of formal logic, and have evolved as a principle that supports mathematics, the scientific method, our legal system, and nearly every facet of modern western normality. Their utility comes from the fact that they can be used to infer or extrapolate: if you have a set of statements that satisfy the above conditions, you can draw trustworthy conclusions by using deduction or reasoning. For example, if I am older than my brother but younger than my cousin, then my cousin is older than my brother. This is intuitively obvious, but it’s also an example of the transitive property that arises from statements that follow the three laws. This type of calculation can be very basic, but the most basic bits of information compile and compound upon each other and ultimately culminate in advancements like the computer that I’m currently writing on. The western world is built using these blocks, and they shape our sense of implicit and explicit normality. This makes it very hard to understand a value system that goes against these laws, such as Taoism or other eastern value systems. We place such a high value on concrete concrete logic, so the Taoist emphasis on the ineffable seems like a strange tool for navigating reality. If I were to translate Taoism’s values into a structure that mirrored the laws of thought, it would look something like this:
It might seem difficult to imagine a system that can make calculations using such paradoxical axioms, but this is the starting point for Blob Theory. It’s probably unnatural to think of contradictions as useful, but I use these paradoxes as lenses for understanding complexity - embracing contradiction rather than resolving it. In next week’s writing, I’ll talk about contradiction in greater depth, and how each of us has internal division or contradictions to our personas or our behavior. Do you ever notice what your default intuition is like? Do you trust logic? Do you trust god more? When's a moment when you’ve realized your sense of normal differed from someone else’s? Let me know in the comments or by direct message! This past week, I’ve been working on the final cut of the Fall Creek prototype (version 2.18). This version cements the game’s structure and signals the last round of testing before publication. Final edits are grueling because they rely entirely on the observer. My favorite kind of work is done when I can enter the flow state, a term coined by psychologists in the 80s to describe a certain kind of peak performance. The original studies of flow described a state of effortless activity, where intense focus is combined with a disconnection from conscious thought. In this state, the observer rests and the body automatically executes without any need for deliberation or direction.
It’s easy to enter this state if I’m drawing some art or designing the game’s mechanics. Days can pass like hours if I’m in the rush of it, and I’ve dedicated a great amount of time to understanding how flow relates to my life and my goals. The focus on flow becomes an issue when I have to do work where I’m forced to consciously observe, such as during editing. I have to begrudgingly accept that my goals involve periods of time where I can’t rest the observer, and that committing to the search of flow doesn’t solve my greater goal of ceasing to exist. I can rest in moments of pleasure like food or drugs, I can rest in moments of flowing work, but I can’t rest when I consider the whole big future ahead of me. For a long time, I was content to exist with no conscious cohesion or structure to my activities. I was happy to commit to the flow, to paint or write poems with no intentional cumulative goal. It was easy to cease to exist. Gradually, a restlessness within me grew greater and greater, driven by a helpless acknowledgement of the impending future. The restlessness is addressed by the observer, the entity who calculates plans and simulates futures. The Ruben of today has addressed the future by committing to game design, with a plan of publication that denies the observer its rest. At times it is hard to bring myself to keep executing this plan, but I really must know what happens at the end, to see if it works or not. My plans to publish are written with the laws of Blob Theory, and my curiosity to verify my hypothesis keeps the rest of me marching forward. Blob Theory has been developed and tested during the last two years of game development. Recognizing and maximizing flow was one of the first applications, because I was so charmed by the fact that peak performance can occur in the absence of conscious thought, rather than in the depths of it. As curious as flow is, it’s a rather isolated observation in the sense that it doesn’t connect to any other theories. We know that it’s real because we observe it to be real, but there is no existing system in the West that would expect it to occur in the way that it does. Similarly to how Einstein’s formulas predicted black holes, the best theories are those whose conclusions are evidenced in reality. A good theory of psychology or consciousness should be able to imply the existence of “flow” as predicted by core principles. Such a theory exists in the East. It’s a very old system, with many branches and evolutions, but its history begins with Taoism and it has been documented for at least the last 2500 years. The system itself is hard to formally describe, but it’s basically about living in the moment and harmonizing with nature. The concept most connected to flow is the idea of wu wei, which describes a state of trying not to try. Wu wei means effortlessness and spontaneity, a complete absorption of the moment, an experience disconnected from conscious thought. In both flow and wu wei, the boundary between self and the activity dissolves, and there exists only a fusion with the moment that excludes the conscious observer. Both flow and wu wei are described as ideal states to exist in, but only wu wei has an accompanying ideological framework that connects the qualities of wu wei to the value systems of a particular base model (Taoism). Flow is described in Taoist texts as a justification to practice wu wei, but it was not named and studied in the same way as it has been in modern psychology. There is a certain fundamental incongruence between the values of academia and the Tao, because they exist within different metaphysical frameworks. Western knowledge seeks order through measurement, while Taoism embraces the ineffable and rejects explicit descriptions. Taoist values go contrary to our modern intuitions of substance and reason, for they imply a universe that operates in an entirely different way from how we normally understand it. Flow and wu wei both show us how to navigate life without the observer. Blob Theory extends these insights into a framework that combines Eastern values with modern, practical categorization. Just as the principles of the Tao guide the practitioner to find ideal states of being, so does Blob Theory propose a guide on how to cease to exist. In the next issue, I’ll break down the core axioms of Blob Theory and explore how they shape my approach to goals and decision-making, and how they ultimately offer a blueprint for ceasing to exist. When do you let your observer rest? I’d love to hear moments about when you lose yourself, whether it be through flow, food, meditation, or any other experience. These writings will explore Blob Theory, my personal philosophy on navigating life’s paradoxes. I’ll show the way it works through the lens of my work as a game designer and through my musings as an obsessive introspective artist.
I have a practice of observing myself. There is a corner of my mind that pays attention to the way I write, the way I behave with others, the way I make my decisions. This part of me judges the significance and outcome of my interactions and sets goals and standards for how to follow a life best lived. All of these observations represent guesses about reality, stories of my place in the world and how I come off to others. Even though I do my best to make truthful observations, they spring mysteriously from intuition and they don’t necessarily have any basis in pure hard fact. I tell myself a story about the person that I am but there’s no guarantee that the external world will agree with that story. Despite not being entirely trustworthy, the stories crafted by my internal observer are my framework for making sense of the world. The observer weaves together repeated patterns, noticing consistency and cohesion among the flood of moments of experience. Upon reflection I can recognize the futility of overly trusting this framework, but under normal conditions the framework is as invisible as the air I breathe. It is simply solid ground, it feels like truth or reason itself. The more patterns I observe, the more cohesive the patterns become, and the more confident the observer becomes in its role of predicting the future. It becomes blind to its own untrustworthiness, and it is an unapologetic advocate for its own proposed framework. It is the steward that navigates reality and that crafts the plans that lead to better outcomes. That being said, I hate preparing for the future. I hate making decisions and being responsible for tomorrow’s self. I do not wish to observe myself, I simply wish to cease to exist. While the observer is active, I identify with it because its calculations feel like they hold the truth of the story of my future, and I can see myself exist in that future. I forget that the observer is just a corner of my mind, and it is not the entirety of me. I easily mistake the observer’s framework for reality itself. I can exist outside of this framework. To cease to exist is to dissolve the observer and to become something that is free from the responsibility of coming up with the right choices. When dissolved, I don’t need to do or be anything. Life throws these moments my way constantly, little pockets of time that comfortably hold attention without being distracted by calculations of the future. It could be a good meal, stimulating work, or my favorite show. Any activity that sufficiently holds my attention represents a point of rest in the timeline of the decider. The observer, the part of me that evaluates how the present relates to the future, briefly takes a break from having to decide what to do next. I’d like to find a way to get more of these moments, to more easily slip into this state and cease to exist on command. There are many ways to do this, but generally the easier ones (food and drugs) are detrimental to the long-term wellbeing of future selves that the observer feels responsible for. If I want these moments without hurting my future, I need to somehow align the experience of the moment with the web of potential futures that await. Sadly, there is a clear conflict of interest in this relationship. The steward of the future can never experience what it’s like to live in the moment because the moment of pure experience only occurs when the observer ceases to exist. It’s a paradox that muddies the relationship between the present and future, and it doesn’t seem to have a solution. The part of me that makes plans and the part of me that experiences reality are fundamentally disconnected. The observer’s forecast of the future and the feeling of the so-called “here and now” cannot be simultaneously felt. Because of this paradox, it hurts the reliability of the observer’s calculations. Even if I write excellent arguments made in the name of the future’s sake, they are ultimately arguments written by a being that will never experience the moment and cannot understand its unique challenges. Free will exists, but the soft animal of my body doesn’t always behave as I demand it to. There is always a chance that the authority behind my plans will be usurped by the urges of the organism. I’d like to have it all. I want to trust in the conclusions of the observer, to make decisions based on its framework and to reap the positive outcomes. I also want to resist the mistake of taking the observer’s stories as truth itself, because I know that they are merely an estimate of reality. Finally (and most importantly), I want to cease to exist as much as possible, to be able to turn off the observer and let life unfold itself with minimal reflection and judgment. These three contradictory goals seem impossible to simultaneously fulfill, but I’ve come up with a model that describes their interaction in a satisfying way. I’m sharing this model to make sure that I’m not merely deluding myself, because it is only through the eyes of others that I can verify my own stories of reality. I call my model “Blob Theory”. I’m still figuring out the best way to articulate the theory, but in short, it’s a model for navigating life’s choices without being trapped by constant self-observation. The theory is a guide to honing intuition and automatic thought, freeing the practitioner from having to deliberate and make hard choices . This series of emails is my first attempt at publishing the ideas in written form, and it will combine an analysis of the theory with my personal experiences and with my journey as a game designer. My work on the game has taken a brief pause. This past week I was able to entirely cease to exist by indulging in my vices. I got Covid and I spent dawn till dusk on my tablet or my laptop, plunging myself into a screen-induced vegetative state. I’m constantly in awe of how easily attention can be held for such long periods of time by modern machines executing some type of algorithmic design. A good program or algorithm will eliminate the need to make interrupting decisions, and it lets the decision-making observer take a break from it all. While I’m sick, I no longer feel the responsibility to find a better action for the sake of my future self. The goal is to simply be entertained and to melt into the easiest possible task at hand. In my Covid haze I spent at least twelve hours a day bouncing between Youtube and Reddit until both got simply too boring to stand, then I filled the rest of my hours with video games. Saving the games for last was the virtual equivalent of eating my salad before my dessert… even in sickness I still have the impulse to delay gratification. It’s one of my many blessings. After this brief escape from the observer, today I’m back on my feet, happy to be back in action before my favorite games become too stale and repetitive. Luckily, being sick is an outlier experience. I normally don’t have full license to indulge in oblivion. Now that I’m healthy, my attention turns back to understanding self-observance, non-existence, and my responsibility in navigating this connection. I have experiments to run and ideas to test. The current priority is to publish my game and to document the process with a series of essays about Blob Theory. |
Ruben Lopez
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